March 3, 2021

Through my grief journey acceptance was the turning point to my healing.

I was angry that Cliff had to experience ALS, we had to watch him become locked within his body. I was angry that our future would not be what I dreamed. I had to accept that I didn’t have control over a terminal illness. I did have a choice on how much I loved and would support and protect my family.

With Cliff’s death came a world I did not know. I became a widow and a single parent. It was now my responsibility to continue to shape the lives of our children, to find my way through the grief and loss.

I felt like I was straddling this abyss I had one foot in the past and the other foot in the future. I stayed there wavering back and forth. The opening was becoming greater and greater. If I did not choose I was going to fall into the darkness. I chose to leap forward and plant both feet on the ground of change which started with acceptance of Cliff’s death, acceptance my life was changing. I needed to make decisions on how I was going to live my life.

I made a promise to myself to face every obstacle that life would put in front of me head on. I will not ignore, I will face fear and find my way and hold the lessons within me.

I do this because Cliff didn’t have a choice, a terminal illness took that away. I have a choice everyday to honour his life and to live every day until my time comes when I have to say good bye.

I will be faced with straddling the abyss again but this time it will be trying to stay in life or the leap into the afterlife. The acceptance that I am here today and I hope for many years to come but I know that the choices I make today are a gift.