This morning I think of how deeply I hurt and grieved Cliff’s death. There was the anticipatory grief of knowing he would die. No one survives ALS. The day comes and you are not prepared you think “one more day”.
I had not felt this kind of loss, pain, fear, awareness of the physical effects of this thing called death.
A grief so deep because our love was so strong. We fought everyday to have one more day.
I was grateful for the life we had together.
I was now facing life without my best friend and father of our children. I had to learn to let go of the pain. I could not hold on so tightly to what we had that it kept me frozen in the past.
I spent time alone and journaled to release the thoughts, pain and started to see the way forward was through making changes within my life.
I took the courage, determination, love of family that Cliff showed me through his life and that became my motivation to live a full life. To honour his life by experiencing my life with an open heart. To never take my mobility for granted, to be grateful for everyday, cherish the people in my life.
I know I will have lived a full and wonderful life. When I die those I love will say if only we had “one more day”.